I hate birthday parties that aren’t mine. Just like I don’t like looking at pictures of other people’s kids and I don’t like the listening half of most conversations, I mostly prefer when things are All About Me. My husband, on the other hand avoids being the center of attention at all costs. He made me swear on all that was holy that I wouldn’t throw him a surprise party for his 40th (editor’s note: I do enjoy parties thrown by me for other people, even though they’re not technically my party). I was understandably disappointed to not get to spend the better part of the spring and early summer planning a Whole Big Thing, and Amazon is no doubt extremely confused by all the HILARIOUS 40th birthday swag that I ended up deleting from my cart, but hey. I aim to please.
Anyhoo, so now my 40th is knocking down the door, and my husband, after being threatened I mean gently reminded for the last 8-37 months that I expect to THROW DOWN on my birthday, wants to know what I’d like to do. And sonofabitch, I don’t know. At this point, there are like 3 non-blood relatives that I don’t hate, and most of the stuff I want I have already secretly bought for myself, sooo….
Da Club. This sounds super fun but I’m sure by 7:00 on the night of the festivities I’m going to want sweats and Uggs and Netflix and what should I say is the reason we can’t go?
Party at my moms house. Pros: There will be cake, lots of it, and probably for free.
Cons: Have you ever seen My Big Fat Greek Wedding? Imagine it with Jews, only not funny.
We go away for the night somewhere, just the 2 of us. This sounds lovely. My only concern is Cake. Will there be cake? If so, who will make it? If it’s just the 2 of us, I might only get a slice. Can I have another, secondary cake at a later date?
Obviously this is a huge decision. I mean, I’ve been 29 for a good long time now, and I’m fairly certain that most people are totally expecting me to turn 30 this year, or maybe even 29, so I feel like I need to herald the coming of the Big 4-0 with some kind of me-centric celebration.
The thing is, I’m not really Me without the kids. I miss them when they’re not around, and I want them to celebrate with me. A huge part of the reason that I still look forward to birthdays instead of trying to deny them is because I have maintained that I am 29 for the last 11 years. Just kidding. It’s because those crazy ass kids make me proud of my life. I really feel like my life began when I became a mom. To celebrate my birthday without the kids there with me just feels kind of inauthentic. Also, they wholeheartedly share my enthusiasm for cake, thereby validating my obsession.
I know this is not a very popular 2018 stance, and all you Modern Gals are rolling your eyes and shaking your heads and cueing up some empowering Beyoncé song to cleanse your mental palettes.
Good thing IDGAF. I’m 40, bitch.